1. Touche` Toupee--A Hot Story (Humor and Revenge)

I thought I would start my blog today, Monday, January 16, 2012 with a very short story that is included in my just finished humorous murder mystery, "Eula May and the Flim Flam Nun."  Enjoy. 

1.  Touche` Toupee

The drums were beating and the trumpets tooting as our Star, Henry the Hungry Hungarian, began his prancing dance down the theatre aisle to the kitchen on stage.  The audience for our hit food show was screaming its approval as he waved his wire whisk in time to the music.  As always, he began the show by picking the prettiest girl in the audience to come up and be his assistant.  Well, actually I’m his assistant but since I’m a functional ‘ugly Betty’ type, the producers felt the audience needed some eye candy to dress up the stage.  I was supposed to stay in the background as much as possible, but still be sure the food was prepared correctly and in time for the fast-pace of the show.

          However, just before the so-called curtain went up, Henry had given me the bad news.  He didn’t need me anymore.  He said he knew enough about cooking now to go it alone, with only the beautiful audience assistants at his side.  I thought to myself, that stinking bastard.  I’ve given him the best years of my life.  I turned down my own cooking show just to make him look good.  I thought we were a team.  At least that’s what he always said to me when he was sweet talking me into bed.  And Lord knows I did what I could to prop up his ego, even telling him that his dorky toupee made him look like a stud.  Actually, I thought he’d be more honest and look more like a real stud if he just shaved his head like other men did.

          I was so mad steam was practically coming out of my ears as well as off the water bath that the crème brulees had baked in.  But I was a pro and I didn’t want to look bad in case another producer might catch my final performance.  I placed the just baked brulees where the camera could get a good look.  We were doing special desserts on the show and as usual I had several trays of crème brulees prepared to different points in the recipe.  There wasn’t time to actually go through the entire prep and baking and cooling of a food item.  As Henry joked with his pretty helper and the audience, I brought out from the refrigerator the earlier baked brulees now cooled and ready for the grand torching finale.  Henry allowed his audience aide to sprinkle their tops with fine sugar.

          “No need to worry dear people.”  Henry simpered at his audience.  “This very elegant dessert which will delight and amaze your guests is also very simple to finish.  Producing a crispy, delicious crust is so easy that even my assistant can do it.”  He handed me the miniature flame thrower and flipped his hand over the desserts.  As he bent over them to watch my procedure, I clicked the torch’s button, the flame shot out, and the audience screamed.  I had ‘accidentally’ torched Henry’s magnificent mane.  When he realized that his head was on fire, he frantically pulled at his hair until he dislodged the fiery toupee and was able to throw it flaming to the floor. 

          The stage manager quickly doused the small bonfire with a handy fire extinguisher, and we finished the show with the audience’s sympathetic support.  Henry’s ego, as well as his fake hair, was in shreds.   I waved goodbye to the audience and smiled apologetically to Henry.  Revenge is sweet, especially when it’s served with crème brulee. 

                                                               The End