15. What's wrong with Arlene?

Something was terribly wrong.  No one had seen Arlene in two days.  Usually she never missed a meal, let alone the shore excursions.  Like me this was her and her husband’s first trip to China and she had vowed that she was going to see and do as much as possible.
            On our tour we had already visited Beijing and been amazed by the ultramodern, 100 story skyscrapers that still had empty spaces near their tops so evil witches could fly right through without stopping to do mischief to the people living and working in the building.  We had also seen the incredibly primitive and cramped hutongs, courtyard areas where people had lived for centuries.  They were now being razed in the name of progress and healthier living conditions with a few being saved for historical reasons.  As we got on and off the bus at each tourist site, Arlene kept urging her husband to keep up so they wouldn’t miss anything.  Although both past 65 and breathing hard, they kept up with the rest of us.

The Yangtze River Cruise was more restful as the ship drifted with the current past tiny fishing villages and the brightly painted fishing boats.  The first day, Arlene and her husband made it to every meal as early as possible and were the last to leave.  Her little fireplug shaped body seemed to need constant refueling, although she occasionally complained that she was overweight.  It seemed unlike her to miss so many meals.

Of course if she wasn’t feeling well, she could be getting trays brought to her room.  Her husband, Henry, still appeared, slightly tipsy, at each meal and complaining of how Arlene was driving him crazy.  We wondered if he stashed bottles of liquor in his luggage.  He never drank at the ship’s bar but always seemed to be a little incoherent.  

We did sympathize with him.  His wife had started out on our tour walking without help.  The first day on the river though she brought out a cane.  Perhaps the motion of the boat upset her equilibrium because each time we docked at an interesting village on the Yangtze, it was a miracle how she maneuvered over the cobblestones, rough pavement and gravel.

Now Henry was accusing her of refusing to walk—just to drive him crazy.  When we asked how she was, he would just say, “Crazy as a coot, crazy as a coot.”

            Well, that didn’t explain why we hadn’t seen her.  Finally, a group of us first requested and then demanded that we be let in their cabin to see her.  He tried to stall us, saying she was sleeping but we forced him to open the door.  The door swung open noiselessly and we saw Arlene tied to a chair in front of the TV.  She rolled her eyes at us and muttered, “Oh, no, oh, no.”

We gaped at her and then looked aghast at Henry.  Had the man tied her up so he could drink as much as he liked.  What was going on?  Did we need to call the captain?

Henry stuttered, “Now, now.  It’s not what it looks like...”

He turned to Arlene and pleaded, “Please tell them what this is, before I’m thrown in a Chinese prison!”

Arlene hung her head, “Oh, I’m so embarrassed.  I just wanted to lose some weight and I can’t help myself when I see all that tasty food spread out, and it’s all FREE, even if it is Chinese.”

“But why are you tied up?”  I asked.

“I asked Henry to tie me up so I couldn’t go to the dining room.  Don’t worry, I had regular bathroom breaks, when the dining room was closed. And I do drink water.”

“So you’re OK?  You’re not being held against your will?”

“Yes, yes, I’m OK.  Please go now.”  She lifted up her head and smiled.  “I’m really fine and I’ve lost five pounds already.”

                                                 The End